{"id":8454,"date":"2026-03-06T06:24:00","date_gmt":"2026-03-06T11:24:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/learn\/?p=8454"},"modified":"2026-03-04T15:49:29","modified_gmt":"2026-03-04T20:49:29","slug":"biblical-forgiveness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/learn\/topics-themes\/commentaries\/biblical-forgiveness\/","title":{"rendered":"Clarifying Biblical Forgiveness: Destructive Sin and Consequences in Matthew 18"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Anna was a well-dressed professional woman sitting across from me in my church office. She had recently separated from her husband and had requested a session to discuss the moral propriety of her decision. Her therapist suggested she contact a pastor for theological and biblical insight into the marital struggles she was dealing with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I began our session by asking questions about what she was experiencing in her marriage. As I listened, her situation had a decidedly ugly twist. As I probed deeper, she impassively acknowledged that her abusive husband had given her numerous sexually transmitted diseases over the course of several years, and that he was persisting in his promiscuous behavior. She recounted that her husband\u2019s infidelity was a matter of public record but he did not want to divorce her. He simply wanted the freedom to live as he pleased. He fiercely bullied his wife to drop her demands for him to change his behavior. Repeatedly he hurled what he knew to be the ultimate barb at her: if she was really a Christian, she was obligated to forgive him and take him back, since Jesus said we must forgive seventy times seven (Matthew 18:21\u201322<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She felt trapped because of her understanding of Scripture and her deep desire to please God. She agonized over knowing what Christian love and forgiveness really demanded of her. Did it mean she had to simply pray for her husband and overlook his immorality? Did it mean she had to lovingly welcome him back, even at the risk of contracting another potentially life-threatening disease? That she had no right to create serious boundaries and consequences for his destructive sexual sin? Further complicating matters, this woman\u2019s own family and church friends sided with the immoral husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In subsequent years, I\u2019ve heard countless similar stories of Christians who have experienced the life shattering effects of financial fraud by \u201cChristian\u201d business partners, spousal infidelity, or childhood sexual abuse, only to be told that to be obedient to Scripture they must essentially forgive and forget.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Does biblical forgiveness preclude consequences for destructive sin?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What Matthew 18 Really Says About Forgiveness<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

This very real and very tragic opening story begs us to clarify what biblical forgiveness specifically means. Does biblical forgiveness preclude serious consequences? Will God refuse to forgive those who refuse to reconcile with an unrepentant, dangerous person?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Matthew 18 actually teaches the opposite, but if you only look at v. 23-35<\/a> (the story of the unforgiving servant) you might terribly misconstrue Jesus\u2019 words. The forgiveness teaching of Matthew 18 does not begin in v. 21 but in the preceding paragraph (v. 15-20<\/a>), where Jesus discusses what to do when \u201cyour brother [or sister] sins against you\u201d (ESV). You are to go to them and \u201cpoint out their fault\u201d (bring to light, expose, rebuke). If they listen, you have \u201cwon them over\u201d from their destructive, hell-bent path (v. 15).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Bible<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The word \u201clisten\u201d (akou\u014d<\/em>) used here means \u201cgive careful attention to, heed.\u201d Commentators agree that \u201chear\u201d in this text describes not just hearing words but a decisive, life-altering response, i.e., repentance. If the one in sin doesn\u2019t<\/em> listen, you are to take another with you and confront him\/her again. If they still<\/em> don\u2019t repent, you are to take them to the church and if they refuse to listen to the church they are to be excommunicated from the body and treated as a Gentile or a tax collector (that is, as an outsider alienated from the community).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In other words, those who sin against us should be confronted and given an opportunity to turn from their destructive sin. If the sinner doesn\u2019t repent, then he or she forfeits being in relationship with others in the community<\/em>. Failing to repent prohibits reconciliation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is reiterated in Luke 17:3<\/a>: \u201cIf your brother or sister\u00a0sins against you, rebuke them;\u00a0and if they repent, forgive them\u201d (NIV).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anna\u2019s husband and family had completely ignored and violated this portion of Matthew 18 and incorrectly deduced that biblical forgiveness simply means letting go of all consequences for another person\u2019s destructive sin. This is a grave distortion of biblical teaching.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Lord, How Many Times Shall I Forgive?\u2019<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

What does the next section of Matthew 18 teach us about forgiveness (v. 21-35<\/a>)? It begins with Peter, after hearing Jesus discuss what to do when a brother sins against you, ask how often we must forgive. Peter suggests a limit of seven times. This is actually a very generous suggestion, since ancient Rabbis said three was the maximum number of times you might (but didn\u2019t have to) forgive someone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But Jesus corrects Peter and says to forgive seventy-seven<\/em> times, in other words, in an unlimited manner. As often as they repent you forgive them. To clarify this principle, Jesus tells a story of servant who is forgiven a huge unsurmountable debt by his master, but in turn refuses to forgive a fellow servant who owes him a lesser debt. He has no pity on this fellow servant but abuses him and throws him in prison.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is the context of Jesus\u2019 summary words in v. 35, affirming that God will not forgive us if we, after being forgiven by God, arrogantly refuse to forgive others. This point is simply that forgiven people forgive others<\/a>. If we (like this cruel, merciless servant) are characterized by a hard heart that refuses to forgive others, it may indicate that we have not truly experienced God\u2019s forgiveness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We must not make more out of this text than is here. For instance, just because in this parable forgiveness is described as letting go of a debt, we must not press this beyond the point of the parable, as if \u201cletting go of a debt\u201d is a formal definition of forgiveness. It isn\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Positive and Negative Aspects of Forgiveness<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

One of the biggest challenges with understanding biblical forgiveness is that Scripture describes but doesn\u2019t strictly define it. For instance, the most common Greek word used in the New Testament for forgiveness (aphiemi<\/em>) means \u201cto let go.\u201d But what is the one destructively sinned against to let go of? Boundaries? Consequences? Revenge?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The story of the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18 gives us important insights about the positive and negative aspects of forgiveness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n